His name was Richard, he was 45, recently divorced, and he was convinced that I needed rescuing from NYC Asian escort work.
It started out normally enough. Richard booked a two-hour appointment, seemed polite during screening, showed up on time and well-dressed. The first hour went fine.
But during conversation afterward, he started asking a lot of personal questions about my background, my goals, why I was “in this situation.”
When I mentioned that I was using escort work to pay for college, his whole demeanor changed.
“You’re too smart for this,” he said. “You could do so much better than selling yourself to men like me.”
I explained that I didn’t see escort independent work as “selling myself,” that I viewed it as providing a professional service, and that I was making good money while maintaining flexibility for school.
Richard wasn’t having it.
“No woman chooses this unless she’s desperate or has been manipulated,” he insisted. “You’re obviously intelligent and beautiful – you could get any job you wanted.”
The conversation got increasingly uncomfortable as he tried to convince me that I was a victim who didn’t realize I was being exploited.
He offered to help me find a “real job,” to pay for my college expenses so I could quit escort work, to “set me up” with better opportunities.
At first, this might sound generous or caring. But what Richard was really doing was trying to control my life based on his assumptions about what I should want.
He couldn’t accept that I was making informed choices about my own life and work. In his mind, no rational person would choose escort work, so I must be either coerced or too damaged to make good decisions.
The “saving” fantasy is really common among certain types of clients, and it’s always problematic for the same reasons.
It assumes that sex workers are victims by definition, regardless of our actual circumstances or feelings about our work.
It positions clients as heroes and rescuers rather than acknowledging that they’re part of the industry they claim to want to save us from.
It ignores our agency and decision-making capacity, treating us like children who don’t know what’s best for ourselves.
Richard kept contacting me after that appointment with job listings, offers to pay for my expenses, invitations to “legitimate” networking events.
When I politely declined and explained that I was satisfied with my current work situation, he got frustrated and accused me of being “brainwashed” or “addicted to easy money.”
The irony is that Richard was a regular client of escort services. He’d been seeing providers for years, according to his references. But somehow he saw himself as different from other clients – not as someone participating in an industry he claimed was harmful, but as someone who could save women from it.
The rescue fantasy lets clients feel moral and superior while still using escort services. They get to see themselves as heroes rather than participants in an industry they claim to disapprove of.
It’s a way of having sex with Supermodel oriental escorts while maintaining that they’re better than other clients and that we’re victims who need their help.
I eventually had to block Richard’s number because he wouldn’t accept that I didn’t want or need his “rescue.”
The whole experience taught me to be wary of clients who seem overly interested in “helping” me or who can’t accept that I’m making autonomous choices about my life and work.